How Dare She!

I remember the first time a friend of mine suggested that I look at putting my daughter in a group home. My gut reaction was anger.  How could she even say that? I would never abandon my daughter! (because that’s what it felt like to me.) Giving up on her and abandoning her. Of course I never said that to her and pretended like I thought it might be a plausible idea.

 

 I can’t remember if at that point she was already doing respite in a local group home, but if not she did start shortly after that just to give me a break. She enjoyed going there because her best friend also lived there. Although the transition of sleeping in a room that wasn’t right across from mom was hard and sometimes they would let her sleep on the couch so that staff was close by.  

Chelsea nad her best friend

 The respite wasn’t really enough though. I was still responsible for her 24/7. My life revolved around her and keeping her anxiety at bay. Making sure she had the space she needed and that no one got in her space. Respite didn’t happen that often and she wasn’t getting enough help from outside support systems. So I wrote a very heart-felt letter to the powers at be and expressed my frustrations. In the meantime her best friend had also passed away so I had avoided doing any respite in that home as Chelsea was completely devastated.

 

A couple of months went by and out of the blue I got a phone call telling me that there was a permanent space for Chelsea if I wanted it. It literally took my breath away! I could barely speak. My mind was a blur. I told them I would need time to process and get back to them. The thing that made it even harder was the space she was filling was the one made by her friend who had passed away. I thought, “there’s just no way!” No way will she want to be in that home now. She will be far too upset for this placement to work out.

 

 The alternative to the group home was going to be me running a program for her in a home that we would build. I would be responsible for hiring, firing, payroll and everything else in between. Quite honestly this seemed completely overwhelming. We agreed that we would take the space being offered and give it a try. We would transition very slowly to see if she would be comfortable there and see how things would work out.

 

The first time she stayed for an extended period of one week I was so anxious because I imagined her not sleeping much and asking nonstop when I would be coming to get her. Then there’s that moment that you realize your “little girl” may finally be gaining her independence.

All of the emotions that can flood a mama’s heart in one moment, all at once. Shock, love, sadness, anxiety, Joy …. And so much more!

 

When we got home after the week away I get the phone call. Expecting to hear “You come pick me up?” I hear, “I no go home.”

Say WHAT ??!!??

 

My response of course… “OK!!!”

It hasn’t always been like that day. There have been hard times on both mom and daughter. There have been a lot of emotions, some resistance, some great times, and some not so great, but she is doing so well in her home with her friends who she now calls her “sisters”.

 

She still comes home every weekend almost and midweek once for dinner, but life is so much better in so many ways.

I’ll share more about those “many ways” in a future blog. …. Stay tuned.